Feel What You Feel

Coping with Stress

WHAT IS STRESS? 

• A normal physical response to demands and danger

• Caused by both external demands and internal demands

• A reaction to what you see as the relationship between demands on you and your (in)ability to cope

External demands come from other people’s expectations of us – tasks, roles, deadlines, are all demands, as are the situations we find ourselves in – traffic jams, noise, heat etc.

Internal demands are the rules we make for ourselves – telling ourselves we must be.. perfect, nice, quick, successful.. etc.

Demands can feel challenging, exciting and positive when they feel manageable. They feel manageable wen we have sufficient internal resources and external supports to allow us to manage those demands. Feeling that a demand is manageable means that adrenaline is released appropriately in our bodies to allow us to fulfil those demands.

Demands become negatively stressful when you have insufficient external supports and internal resources to allow you to manage. You experience stress when you feel you cannot cope with the demands.

Demands are difficult to measure. One person’s challenge is another person’s unmanageable demand. Stress is largely about how you perceive demands and how you perceive yourself, and your ability to cope.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Your mind recognises the feeling of being unable to cope, as a danger, and will react to that danger by triggering a ‘Fight or Flight’ reaction.

This starts by releasing a flood of adrenaline, making:

• Your heart rate speed up

• Your breathing to become faster and shallower

• Your muscles become tense and ready for movement

• Your thoughts are racing – you are alert and ready for action

While in this state, systems that are not needed (digestive, sexual) are shut down.

Long-term effects: Our bodies are designed to be in this alert mode for a short time to get out of danger. But a series of demands, together with a feeling of ‘not coping’ will keep you permanently ‘on alert’. This will cause wear and tear on your body, because your mind and body will be permanently in ‘alert’ mode.

What happens when we experience these long-term effects?

Physical symptoms – heart and blood pressure issues, muscle tension, headaches, tiredness, low immunity, nausea, indigestion (to name a few).

We also may feel and think differently, finding it hard to concentrate, finding decision-making difficult, lacking clear judgement, being depressed, having very negative thoughts, being irritable, losing self-motivation, losing confidence, having panic attacks..

We, or other people around us, might notice different behaviours; insomnia, working long hours, taking work home, not being able to ‘switch off’, restlessness, eating issues, drinking and/or smoking more.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP YOURSELF?

Recognise and accept (without giving up) that you experiencing stress. Then first and foremost – BACK TO BASICS – be mindful with food, water and sleep. It might not solve all issues, it will help with coping with them.

Other useful and practical changes:

• Take breaks and do not forget to take your lunch break too

• Eat well – low blood-sugar predisposes us to panic, and a poor diet will further lower our immunity

• Learn some new ways to release tension; exercise, relaxation etc. - Go for walks, listen to music, watch a film..

• Work reasonable hours, and get enough sleep

• Make changes in your drinking and/or smoking

• Pamper yourself – even if it is just 5 minutes meditation a day..

WHAT CAN YOUR COUNSELLOR SUPPORT YOU WITH?

Your counsellor can help you identifying your stressors and stress triggers, explore ‘being in control’, set up a Stress Plan and practically walk you through the Four A’s of Stress Management – specifically tailored to you!

Look at your current demands and your current ways of coping with them. One way of doing this is to list the demands – external and internal – that you are currently experiencing, and the ways you have of managing them. Are these the best ways forward or are you making things worse?

Having looked at how you are managing now, decide what is useful and continue with it. Change what is not useful – your counsellor can support you with this.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT, WRITE ABOUT AND TALK TO YOUR COUNSELLOR ABOUT

• Think about the external demands on you. Are there any over which you have control, and therefore could make changes? How are you stopping yourself making changes? Any idea why?

• Think about the internal demands on yourself.. Are you expecting yourself to be perfect? Always nice? Quick? Strong? What do you feel about the statement: Sometimes good enough is good enough?

• Could you establish clear boundaries around what are your responsibilities and stick to those boundaries?

• Could you learn to say ‘no’? Are you always saying ‘yes’ even when sometimes inside you are screaming ‘no’? What would happen sometimes you said ‘yes’ and you meant it? Or said ‘no’ and meant it?

• Could you look up the Serenity Prayer and talk about what that means to you?

• Can you delegate & let go of what you have delegated?

• How do you manage your time and what is your relationship with time?

• Do you prioritise or does someone else do this for you?

• What are your thoughts on talking about yourself, taking time to listen, compromising and asking for support?

• Can you assert yourself?

• ..

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