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World Suicide Prevention Day - 10th September

Part One of Four

When I told my sister that I wanted to post about suicide, she exclaimed: ‘You are not actually going to talk about that, are you??” Well, World Suicide Prevention Day is coming up this month and with this we promote open discussions on the topic of suicide, and suicidal feelings.

So.. Have you ever felt that it would be ‘nice’ not to wake up? Have you ever walked around, so numb, so near catatonic that you could have easily thrown yourself down the stairs or in front of a bus?

Usually the first thing a counsellor would ask would be: ‘What stopped you?’. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a great question as it looks at your anchors to this world and it helped you to survive..

But.. Could we please first acknowledge our pain? The struggle we are going through?

What helped me was someone telling me that they heard me. That the pain can be unbearable at times. That the numbness is helpful. That these emotions are normal – I am not going crazy! And that I am not alone in feeling like this..!

Nope, it did not make my feelings of hopelessness go away. It also did not make my feelings worse..

We humans have the tendency to make things worse for ourselves. Spiralling, panic, overwhelm – we do do these things to ourselves! Stop poking that bruise!!

In therapy we support you looking after your bruises, acknowledge them for what they are – only then we can move forward and look at the options in front of you. Yes, one of them might be suicide.. What would the other options be?

'Hey, wake up and be alive because there's hope!'

~ Lacey Sturm

Find our First Rule of Therapy colouring page here.

Part Two of Four

Following up from Part One, where we acknowledged our pain and started talking about our feelings and thoughts around suicide, and we found that it is okay to talk about this..

You are human and you are not alone in this.

That doesn’t mean that you do not feel alone, but you now know that you are not.

You may have voices in your head (thoughts) and you might be in ‘obey’ mode or ‘truth’ mode. As I am thinking this, I must obey, it must be the truth, because arguing the point is also getting me nowhere.

Remember, thoughts are just thoughts.. It is our brain trying to find a solution, a way out of the pain you are going through (even when feeling numb – it’s a way out for the underlying pain which we usually do not want to acknowledge).

A client of mine, found themselves walking around in a daze with a kitchen knife. They could not remember when they picked it up or what they were planning on doing with it. When they realised what they were doing in that moment, they felt scared (sh!t scared). Their brain told them that finding themselves like this, means that they wanted to kill themselves.. I felt relieved to find out that they were not in ‘obey’ mode and when they came to see me, they wanted to find out about the ‘truth’ of this.

Within therapy we do not look at ‘truth’ or ‘lie’, ‘fact’ or ‘fiction’. Trust me, I can make anything into a fact.. Nope.. We look at ‘helpful’ and ‘unhelpful’.

‘I am crazy’ is unhelpful – ‘I feel crazy at times’ could be helpful as it activates and might support you seeking help.

If you cannot leave your thoughts alone, can you reframe them into something that might be helpful?

What would you like to talk about? Contact us today..

Part Three of Four

Are we still talking about suicide? Part One was about our emotions and feelings, and Part Two was about our thoughts regarding suicide or when we feel suicidal. Would you like to know what happened with that client, I mentioned before?

Of course we did a risk assessment: researching the suicidal thoughts, plans and actions. But this client wanted to know why they felt as they felt.

The client seemed to have everything! A job, a house, a dog, a partner, every box ticked and still in emotional pain. They had done everything that they were supposed to do, achieved what they thought they needed to achieve and all well before the age of thirty!

We discovered together that they had fulfilled someone else’s dream, someone else’s utopia. Not that they did not have a sense of achievement, not that they did not love their job, house, dog and partner – it was not their dream!

So, we took the time to find out who the client was and wanted to be. We found their strength, beauty and over time even their own purpose. As we humans need to make sense of our world and the world around us to function well. We need meaning, otherwise what’s the point?

We found other options beside suicide.. Just existing was not an option for this client, this client wanted to learn, experience, live!! This client wanted to get rid of the pain but found that by understanding their pain it could be utilised as a driver. A driver to live their own meaningful life!

Yes, at times the counselling process can be uncomfortable, painful even! Trust the process, trust yourself and you will grow!

Find our Back to Basics Colouring page here.

Part Four of Four

We talked about talking about suicide. We talked about the pain and the fear (and the fear of the pain of living) and we talked about finding your own meaning and purpose in life.

Talking in therapy about the unmentionables, the culturally unaccepted topics of death, dying and suicide could give some relief, because you do not have to keep it all in your head. When I said to one of my actively suicidal clients ‘Do you want to life, or do you want to die?’ The client looked at me and said ‘I didn’t know I was allowed that option’. I told them that therapy would be vastly different, depending on the choice they might make. I also told them not to make that decision lightly, give yourself a chance to think and talk things through before acting on your thoughts and overwhelming feelings.

Overall, most people who are thinking of suicide do not actually want to end their lives, they want the pain to stop. Suicidal thoughts are normal, are usually temporary and will pass with the right support. The support that is kind and honest, not blaming or shaming.

When you come to counselling for support, we will not tell you what to do or what to think. We will suggest ways forward and investigate your pain and underlying issues. We help you to become more aware, aware of yourself, your emotions, your way of thinking, your way of relating to the world around you. We cannot make the pain go away, we can show you how to deal with life (better), your way – the way that fits with you best. We support you in finding your own purpose and meaning. So you might decide that life is painful at times and worth living too!

When in darkness, find your own pockets of happiness. What are the little things that make you smile? Is there anyone in your life that makes you laugh? Is there a life lesson that you have learnt and are wanting to pay forward?

Find the free to download colouring page ‘Pockets of Happiness’ here.

If you are experiencing a crisis or have thoughts to self-harm, please contact the Samaritans on 116 123 for free or visit their website.

Alternatively if you live in Bitterne or Shirley, The Lighthouse is open for drop in between 4.30pm and 10.30pm.

And we are here when you are ready for therapy!

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